Feeling not good enough, what a concept. We all know that you are the only person who can truly make you happy. We all know that if you can't love yourself than no one else can. But, do we all know that we run our lives trying to have all of this validated by others. If it is work, if it is a guy, we are all looking for validation. When you do not get what you want you feel not good enough or unwanted, and let me tell you I feel it. You should all know by now that my work situation is just not the best. I feel very unwanted and unappreciated at both restaurants I work at. I have also just come to the realization that the guy I am "whatevering" with must just be more of a fantasy in my head. I do not want to go into for the protection of his privacy, but at this point it is fair to say that he is just not that into me. I know I have to stop contact with him for the protection of my heart but what I really want to do is lay in his arms to make myself feel wanted and validated in that moment. I am wiling to hurt myself for the hour of validation. What is wrong with me?
Now I am feeling like I let down the person who cares most about me ...me. I took a trip to Atlantic City with my roommate to get out of New York and get away from all of this. We barely slept, drank too much and made bad decisions, it was great! BUT, when you are writing a blog and taking pictures of yourself in a bikini not the best decision. I will tell you that we had some great food and I will tell you that there is no way I stayed with in my points yesterday. Should I feel bad about it, I honestly do not know what the answer is. Am I eating because I hate myself? I do not think so. I think I ate and drank like that because I was on vacation with my best friend and had a great time doing it. Here is what I do know: Everyone deserves to go on vacation, even if for a day, and do whatever you want to do while on vacation. Everyone has good days and bad days. I still feel worthy and I AM still number one on my list. I said I was doing this for myself and that has always been the truth. So I am validating myself. I am here, being honest with you and going to wash my hands of the guy, suck it up at work, and laugh at the pictures I took on vacation. For all of you who have had bad days know you are not alone and I hope reading this makes you feel better, writing it sure did.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Week 3 Weigh in!
Sorry week three is a little late, my roommate and I decided last minute to go to Atlantic City. That being said, I did not bring my laptop and "unplugged" from the world for a couple of days. More about the trip in a post to follow. But first, the good stuff!
Week three weigh in: 186 (-2)
Goals:
Current weight 186
Total weight loss 6
Remaining weight to hit 5% weight loss 3.5
Remaining weight to hit 10% weight loss 13
Remaining to goal weight (150) 36
180's so I still get 27 points a day, roughly 50 cals per point so roughly 1350 cals a day. Plus the 35 bonus.
Am I happy with this yes, it is a loss, but I still feel like I can do better. Weight for me is such a battle and I just want results NOW! I know a healthy way to lose weight is slow and steady because you are more likely to keep it off, but who wants slow or steady? I am looking back at my log and asking myself if I am doing everything right or if I am cheating myself. I honestly think I am doing everything right. Giving myself activity points and staying within my daily points is all I can do. As my dad would say, "keep it up sweetheart, you are doing great." I also know that if you are in this with me, he would be saying the same to you. So come on sweethearts, lets keep it up!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Activity points, I totally forgot!
You guys, I completely forgot about activity points. How could I forget that ,you get to eat more!! After working out, a 50 min. high impact yoga workout, this is what I found.
" Just 20 minutes at high intensity or 40 minutes at moderate intensity earns an activity PointsPlus value of 4." -Weight watchers web site. 4 points does that seem right? So I dug a little deeper. I found this on a weight watchers chat site. Its not as crazy as it sounds.
The first thing you need to do is determine your level of activity to calculate your weight watchers activity points. To determine your level of activity you can either use your heart rate or a speaking test. If you are using heart rate to calculate your weight watchers activity points then 40-54% of your max heart rate is light, 55-69% is moderate, and 70% or more is intense. If you are using the talking test to calculate your weight watchers activity points then if you can have a full normal conversation, it is light, you can speak but it is slightly difficult is moderate, and difficult to speak is intense. This is extremely important when determining your weight watchers activity points.
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Food log day 10
Tomorrow starts weekend work extravaganza so check in monday for my second weigh in!
Read more: How to Figure Out Weight Watchers Activity Points | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5018650_figure-weight-watchers-activity-points.html#ixzz1Is1PbhP3
" Just 20 minutes at high intensity or 40 minutes at moderate intensity earns an activity PointsPlus value of 4." -Weight watchers web site. 4 points does that seem right? So I dug a little deeper. I found this on a weight watchers chat site. Its not as crazy as it sounds.
The first thing you need to do is determine your level of activity to calculate your weight watchers activity points. To determine your level of activity you can either use your heart rate or a speaking test. If you are using heart rate to calculate your weight watchers activity points then 40-54% of your max heart rate is light, 55-69% is moderate, and 70% or more is intense. If you are using the talking test to calculate your weight watchers activity points then if you can have a full normal conversation, it is light, you can speak but it is slightly difficult is moderate, and difficult to speak is intense. This is extremely important when determining your weight watchers activity points.
2
The next step to determine your weight watchers activity points is have the number of minutes of activity your completed as well as your current weight. You will want to then multiply your current weight by the number of minutes you worked out. For example, if you worked out for 30 minutes and you weight 150 pounds, you would get 4500.
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3
Once you have the number from step two you will need to multiple that by the number that corresponds to your activity level (as determined in step 1)to figure out your weight watchers activity points. For light activity,multiple the number by .000232, for moderate activity multiply by .000327, and for intense workouts multiply by 0008077. For example, if you weighed 150 pounds and worked out for 30 minutes at an intense level you would multiply 150*30*0008077. In this example, the person earned 3.6 weight watchers activity points.
For me: weight 188 x 40 =7520 x .0008077= 6.07 so 6 points!
For me: weight 188 x 40 =7520 x .0008077= 6.07 so 6 points!
Food log day 10
27 pts food
25 2 skim milk
22 1 frozen fruit
21 1 1 piece of whole wheat toast no butter
17 4 2 eggs scrambled
16 1 fat-free cheese
16 0 fresh tomato
22 +6 activity points
21 1 veggie burger in lettuce wrap
19 2 organic raw cheddar cheese
16 3 avocado
12 4 1/2 order onion rings
6 6 3 makers and diets
0 6 weight watchers mac and cheese
Food log day 11
27 pts food
25 2 oil dressing
25 0 veggies
23 2 3 flatbread crackers, everything flavor
16 7 weight watchers pizza
13 3 vegetable samosa
9 4 rice
4 5 chicken tikka masala
0 4 garlic nan
Tomorrow starts weekend work extravaganza so check in monday for my second weigh in!
Read more: How to Figure Out Weight Watchers Activity Points | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_5018650_figure-weight-watchers-activity-points.html#ixzz1Is1PbhP3
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Day 10! Great chicken taco recipe!
Sorry I have been absent for a couple of days, life happens. I am happy to report that I have stayed on track with my points and feeling very motivated again. I have a great recipe to share with my food logs below. Try it out, so delicious!
Day 8 log
27 pts food
24 3 Kashi TLC chewy bar
23 1 skim milk
22 1 scrambled egg whites with veggies
21 1 tzatziki sauce
20 2 whole wheat pita
15 5 chicken breast
14 1 black bean and corn mix
11 3 2 hard taco shells
9 2 1 glass of wine
8 1 fat free sour cream
7 1 fat free cheese
5 2 1 glass of wine
3.5 1.5 1 taco shell, filled with the left over chicken I did not use for the first two tacos
3 2 1/2 serving of fat free sour cream
2 1 94% fat free popcorn
0 2 weight watchers ice cream cone
*Please not that in all food logs my points are based on 1 serving size.
Chicken taco recipe: Soooooo yummy! Found in weight watchers cook book with my little spin.
What you need:
1 serving fat- free sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
pinch of salt
1 tablespoon of siracha or how ever you want to add some spice to your sour cream
2 corn taco shells warmed in the oven
1 chicken breast
1 serving of fat free cheese
shredded lettuce
fresh chopped tomato
fresh corn
1 can of black beans
1 lime
1 packet of taco seasoning
What to do:
Cut up your chicken breast into cubes and cook in a pan with butter spray until almost done. Add taco seasoning to chicken, follow the directions on the back of the seasoning for best results. Cut up fresh corn and saute on low. Add black beans, lime juice and cilantro to the corn and keep warm for the perfect side dish. Combine sour cream, salt, pepper, lime juice, and siracha. Fill the taco shells with chicken, cheese, lettuce, and tomato; top with sour cream, a sprinkle of cilantro and lime juice. You will be very very happy. One of the best dinners ever and so healthy for you!
Day 9 log:
27 pts food
23 4 2 servings of special K
21 2 1 cup skim milk
14 7 weight watchers pizza
12 2 baked lays
9 3 7 grain flat breads
6 3 goat cheese
6 0 veggies
4 2 oil based dressing
3 1 94% fat free popcorn
1 2 weight watchers ice cream
0 1 a couple of baked lays
Going to a bar tonight where temptation is high. Going to be a challenge, but I know I can do it. Check in tomorrow for my food log!
Day 8 log
27 pts food
24 3 Kashi TLC chewy bar
23 1 skim milk
22 1 scrambled egg whites with veggies
21 1 tzatziki sauce
20 2 whole wheat pita
15 5 chicken breast
14 1 black bean and corn mix
11 3 2 hard taco shells
9 2 1 glass of wine
8 1 fat free sour cream
7 1 fat free cheese
5 2 1 glass of wine
3.5 1.5 1 taco shell, filled with the left over chicken I did not use for the first two tacos
3 2 1/2 serving of fat free sour cream
2 1 94% fat free popcorn
0 2 weight watchers ice cream cone
*Please not that in all food logs my points are based on 1 serving size.
Chicken taco recipe: Soooooo yummy! Found in weight watchers cook book with my little spin.
What you need:
1 serving fat- free sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
pinch of salt
1 tablespoon of siracha or how ever you want to add some spice to your sour cream
2 corn taco shells warmed in the oven
1 chicken breast
1 serving of fat free cheese
shredded lettuce
fresh chopped tomato
fresh corn
1 can of black beans
1 lime
1 packet of taco seasoning
What to do:
Cut up your chicken breast into cubes and cook in a pan with butter spray until almost done. Add taco seasoning to chicken, follow the directions on the back of the seasoning for best results. Cut up fresh corn and saute on low. Add black beans, lime juice and cilantro to the corn and keep warm for the perfect side dish. Combine sour cream, salt, pepper, lime juice, and siracha. Fill the taco shells with chicken, cheese, lettuce, and tomato; top with sour cream, a sprinkle of cilantro and lime juice. You will be very very happy. One of the best dinners ever and so healthy for you!
Day 9 log:
27 pts food
23 4 2 servings of special K
21 2 1 cup skim milk
14 7 weight watchers pizza
12 2 baked lays
9 3 7 grain flat breads
6 3 goat cheese
6 0 veggies
4 2 oil based dressing
3 1 94% fat free popcorn
1 2 weight watchers ice cream
0 1 a couple of baked lays
Going to a bar tonight where temptation is high. Going to be a challenge, but I know I can do it. Check in tomorrow for my food log!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 8. Rough day.
After posting yesterday, I think I hit a wall. Bad news is I still feel in a funk. I feel weak and not motivated. I am exhausted. I told myself I was going to work out last night and did not. I ended up eating way to much and sitting on the couch watching movies all night. The weekend took a lot out of me physically but I think it is the emotional part that is really getting me down. Work was very stressful at Jack and I am still sick about it. I can't get over it. I got into a huge fight with a co-worker and he is the kind of guy who will make my life a living hell for the next couple of weeks. I know I am a strong woman but the wrath of **** is like no other. I actually considered quitting just so I wouldn't have to deal with it.
The damage I did last night to myself is bad, but not as bad as it could have been. I did stay in my points, I just used all of the 35 bonus. knowing that last week I was having such a hard time trying to figure out what to do with them ,it was such a battle in my head. Food and emotions won. I was considering not telling the whole truth when writing this today, but that is not the point of all of this. I have to hold myself accountable for my actions and learn from them. And it is not about being honest with you all, it is about being honest with myself.
Food log day 7
27 pts food
22 5 turkey subway sub on whole wheat with lots of veggies
21 1 provolone cheese
20 1 light mayo
19 1 lays light chips original
16 3 stuffed mushrooms
6 10 chicken parm
0 6 mozz cheese
Bonus 35
35 pts food
25 10 the other breast of chicken parm
19 6 mozz cheese
15 4 2 slices of bread without butter
11 4 1cup of spaghetti
0 11 chocolate frozen yogurt from ben and jerry's 1 pint.....ugggh I told myself to eat the whole pint so it would not be in the house today. Good, bad, who knows?
After getting that all out I feel better. No more feeling sorry for myself. I am headed to the store to get healthy food back in the house and I am going to make myself a very nice dinner. I love myself, I am worthy of this. Repeat.
The damage I did last night to myself is bad, but not as bad as it could have been. I did stay in my points, I just used all of the 35 bonus. knowing that last week I was having such a hard time trying to figure out what to do with them ,it was such a battle in my head. Food and emotions won. I was considering not telling the whole truth when writing this today, but that is not the point of all of this. I have to hold myself accountable for my actions and learn from them. And it is not about being honest with you all, it is about being honest with myself.
Food log day 7
27 pts food
22 5 turkey subway sub on whole wheat with lots of veggies
21 1 provolone cheese
20 1 light mayo
19 1 lays light chips original
16 3 stuffed mushrooms
6 10 chicken parm
0 6 mozz cheese
Bonus 35
35 pts food
25 10 the other breast of chicken parm
19 6 mozz cheese
15 4 2 slices of bread without butter
11 4 1cup of spaghetti
0 11 chocolate frozen yogurt from ben and jerry's 1 pint.....ugggh I told myself to eat the whole pint so it would not be in the house today. Good, bad, who knows?
After getting that all out I feel better. No more feeling sorry for myself. I am headed to the store to get healthy food back in the house and I am going to make myself a very nice dinner. I love myself, I am worthy of this. Repeat.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Week 2 Weigh In- Day 7!!!!
What a busy busy emotional weekend. I can honestly say I have never been so tired. My legs and feet have never hurt so much. For those of you who know what this means, I have "band camp" feet. Pay off - rent made in two days of work. Was it worth it- not really.
I started this extravaganza feeling like a very strong woman who could accomplish anything. That all came to a crashing reality after my first of four shifts of the weekend. I am not going to bore you with the story but I wanted to cry at the end of the shift. I bring this up because of the emotional side of eating. Most of us know that food is comforting in time of stress and feeling crappy. I am proud to say that through all of this, I did not cheat and stayed within my points. In the past I would have binged, instead I stayed focused and pulled through for myself and for that I am proud! Below is my food log.
Sat.
28 pts food
27 1 egg whites with veggies
25 2 oil, I was at work where they use oil
20 5 chicken breast
14 6 goat cheese
14 0 veggies
12 2 oil
10 2 1/2 order of whole wheat pita
7 3 corn chips
5 2 guacamole
5 0 drink tasting at work
Sun.
28 pts food
27 1 egg whites with veggies
25 2 oil
20 5 chicken breast
14 6 goat cheese
12 2 oil
12 o veggies
10 2 1/2 order of whole wheat pita
7 3 pita chips
5 2 hummus
5 0 margarita
I keep 10 extra points for drinks on Sunday, so I had two more margaritas after work for 10pts. (5 a piece)
Ok now for the good stuff!!!!!!!! Did it work???
Week 2 weigh in: 188 (- 4 )
180's so now I get 27 points a day, roughly 50 cals per point so roughly 1350 cals a day. Plus the 35 bonus.
Current weight 188
Remaining weight to hit 5% loss 5.5 lbs
Long term goal weight 150 (-38 lbs to go)
I did not however do yoga sat or sun. To be honest, I had no time to. I am giving my legs a rest for the afternoon, but plan on doing yoga this evening. I have to get stronger, I can do this! Will also post day 7 food log at the end of the evening.
Happy yes! Really really really happy no. I think I can do better than that. I am going to continue following the program and doing my best. How did you do? Lets keep it up guys!
I started this extravaganza feeling like a very strong woman who could accomplish anything. That all came to a crashing reality after my first of four shifts of the weekend. I am not going to bore you with the story but I wanted to cry at the end of the shift. I bring this up because of the emotional side of eating. Most of us know that food is comforting in time of stress and feeling crappy. I am proud to say that through all of this, I did not cheat and stayed within my points. In the past I would have binged, instead I stayed focused and pulled through for myself and for that I am proud! Below is my food log.
Sat.
28 pts food
27 1 egg whites with veggies
25 2 oil, I was at work where they use oil
20 5 chicken breast
14 6 goat cheese
14 0 veggies
12 2 oil
10 2 1/2 order of whole wheat pita
7 3 corn chips
5 2 guacamole
5 0 drink tasting at work
Sun.
28 pts food
27 1 egg whites with veggies
25 2 oil
20 5 chicken breast
14 6 goat cheese
12 2 oil
12 o veggies
10 2 1/2 order of whole wheat pita
7 3 pita chips
5 2 hummus
5 0 margarita
I keep 10 extra points for drinks on Sunday, so I had two more margaritas after work for 10pts. (5 a piece)
Ok now for the good stuff!!!!!!!! Did it work???
Week 2 weigh in: 188 (- 4 )
180's so now I get 27 points a day, roughly 50 cals per point so roughly 1350 cals a day. Plus the 35 bonus.
Goals:
Current weight 188
Total weight loss 4 lbs
Remaining weight to hit 10% loss 15 lbs
Remaining weight to hit 10% loss 15 lbs
Remaining weight to hit 5% loss 5.5 lbs
Long term goal weight 150 (-38 lbs to go)
I did not however do yoga sat or sun. To be honest, I had no time to. I am giving my legs a rest for the afternoon, but plan on doing yoga this evening. I have to get stronger, I can do this! Will also post day 7 food log at the end of the evening.
Happy yes! Really really really happy no. I think I can do better than that. I am going to continue following the program and doing my best. How did you do? Lets keep it up guys!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Update, I did some research on points.
I am at a point where I truly do not know what to do. Today my food log is as follows:
28 pts food
27 1 frozen fruit
26 1 skim milk
17 9 1 cup pad thai with chicken, without tofo or peanuts
8 9 1 more cup pad thai, I ate after a major workout and was starving. My workout was 1 hour yoga slimclass. The hardest yet and broke a major major sweat. I think I will stick to this one.
7 1 jello moose
Ok, so I have seven points left for the day but 35 "bonus" left for the week. I know my weekend will be filled with work and know my healthy options to eat at both restaurants so I am not worried about that. I will also be walking and on my feet for 28 out of the next 48 hours. Why did I say yes to that again? O yeah...money. Back to the point...What to do? After doing some research this was the best advice I found.
"My leader stresses using all of your daily points, and she says you have to find out what works for you for the weekly points. I end up using almost all of mine and generally have a typical weight loss. Remember, your body needs so many calories and by not eating your daily points you might find your metabolism slows down and you don't lose weight as easily. Just an idea to think about. Hope this helps." -weight watchers community on-line discussion board
I have decided to add 25 points to my day giving me 32 points for the rest of the evening. That sounds crazy to me, but I want to know what works for my body and want to iron this down week one. That also leaves me with 10 what I will call floater points. I may have made a mistake in counting and lets be honest, I might have a drink or two sunday night after work. I know I need to be good, but I also do not want to turn into that person who stays home and feels like I can not live my life because I am on a diet. From experience, that will make me resent the diet and want to quit. I am sorry I keep going off point.
What to eat? Give a chubby girl the freedom of 32 points and she is bound to do something stupid. I want to make sure that I get in everything I need today and not waist points on nachos or something like that. I could use them all at Mcdonald's considering a big mac is 13 pts and a large fry is 11. No no no I'm not going to do that. I have had fruit, milk, chicken, veggies, and rice noodles today. That is pretty balanced actually. O you guys I am lost! I am flipping through my dinning out companion and Uno's is in there and they happen to deliver. I think I am going to go for it.
I choose:
Avocado egg rolls to try and get some healthy fat with the avocados. 1 serving 6 points
Baked Stuffed chicken. Baked is better than fried and it is filled with feta, mozzarella, broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, garlic and basil. Yummy! Again good fats! The whole chicken is 8 points. I also got two sides with the chicken. 1st broccoli 2 pts. That means they use oil to cook it. 2nd side skinless bake 12 pts. Chubby girl with freedom, this will be my one cheat item for the week. Thats a 28 point dinner. I can not do 32, it just makes me feel weird. I already feel like I am pushing it. This is either the best diet ever or the worst decision I have made all week. Find out with me monday! Enjoy your weekend!!!
28 pts food
27 1 frozen fruit
26 1 skim milk
17 9 1 cup pad thai with chicken, without tofo or peanuts
8 9 1 more cup pad thai, I ate after a major workout and was starving. My workout was 1 hour yoga slimclass. The hardest yet and broke a major major sweat. I think I will stick to this one.
7 1 jello moose
Ok, so I have seven points left for the day but 35 "bonus" left for the week. I know my weekend will be filled with work and know my healthy options to eat at both restaurants so I am not worried about that. I will also be walking and on my feet for 28 out of the next 48 hours. Why did I say yes to that again? O yeah...money. Back to the point...What to do? After doing some research this was the best advice I found.
"My leader stresses using all of your daily points, and she says you have to find out what works for you for the weekly points. I end up using almost all of mine and generally have a typical weight loss. Remember, your body needs so many calories and by not eating your daily points you might find your metabolism slows down and you don't lose weight as easily. Just an idea to think about. Hope this helps." -weight watchers community on-line discussion board
I have decided to add 25 points to my day giving me 32 points for the rest of the evening. That sounds crazy to me, but I want to know what works for my body and want to iron this down week one. That also leaves me with 10 what I will call floater points. I may have made a mistake in counting and lets be honest, I might have a drink or two sunday night after work. I know I need to be good, but I also do not want to turn into that person who stays home and feels like I can not live my life because I am on a diet. From experience, that will make me resent the diet and want to quit. I am sorry I keep going off point.
What to eat? Give a chubby girl the freedom of 32 points and she is bound to do something stupid. I want to make sure that I get in everything I need today and not waist points on nachos or something like that. I could use them all at Mcdonald's considering a big mac is 13 pts and a large fry is 11. No no no I'm not going to do that. I have had fruit, milk, chicken, veggies, and rice noodles today. That is pretty balanced actually. O you guys I am lost! I am flipping through my dinning out companion and Uno's is in there and they happen to deliver. I think I am going to go for it.
I choose:
Avocado egg rolls to try and get some healthy fat with the avocados. 1 serving 6 points
Baked Stuffed chicken. Baked is better than fried and it is filled with feta, mozzarella, broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, garlic and basil. Yummy! Again good fats! The whole chicken is 8 points. I also got two sides with the chicken. 1st broccoli 2 pts. That means they use oil to cook it. 2nd side skinless bake 12 pts. Chubby girl with freedom, this will be my one cheat item for the week. Thats a 28 point dinner. I can not do 32, it just makes me feel weird. I already feel like I am pushing it. This is either the best diet ever or the worst decision I have made all week. Find out with me monday! Enjoy your weekend!!!
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